The author describes a secret pregnancy that resulted in an unassisted home birth and later a hospital birth. Both experiences were meaningful; the author now emphasizes prenatal care, planning, and support to improve safety and outcomes for others.
My unexpected pregnancy and an unplanned home birth
I found out I was pregnant and kept it to myself. I was young and scared. I never saw a doctor or midwife during that pregnancy. When labor came, it was fast and private: I gave birth at home on my own.
The moment my daughter arrived changed everything. It was a shock, and I didn't have time to process things - but I did what I had to do. I kept her. She became the center of my life.
A different approach the second time
A few years later I had another daughter. This time I decided to go to the hospital because I thought that was the "right" way. The birth there was helpful in some ways, but I felt frustrated by aspects of the experience and, in hindsight, wished I had been better prepared for whatever environment I chose.
What I learned
Both births mattered to me. My first birth felt immediate and private; the second was more structured and medical. Neither was perfect, but both taught me important lessons about planning, support, and making choices that match your needs.
If I could speak to my younger self, I would say: prenatal care and a birth plan matter. Even if you want privacy, consider at least one prenatal visit and a conversation with a midwife or clinician. Learn basic newborn care before delivery. Have a backup plan and know when to seek emergency help.
Advice for others
I was lucky that nothing went wrong, but not everyone is. If you are considering an unattended birth or feel compelled to hide a pregnancy, try to get some medical guidance first. A single prenatal check can identify conditions that need monitoring. If privacy is a concern, tell a trusted person who can help if you need it.
Also, after the baby is born, seek postpartum care, breastfeeding support if you want it, and information on safe sleep and immunizations. You don't have to do everything alone - support can be medical, practical, or emotional.
Why it still matters to me
My daughters are my priority. I love them and I would do many things the same and some things differently. What matters most is their safety and well-being, and that I learned from both births how to be better prepared for the future.